Eggs. I’m so sick of eggs I want to vomit. This “healthy eating plan” (crash diet) I’ve adopted requires you to omit all: starches, fruit, sugars from your diet for the first two weeks, resulting in a vegetable-lean-protein orgy from hell. I’m looking forward to biting in an apple so much that I could pee my pants.
Don’t get me wrong… I LOVE losing weight– it’s one of my passions in life, though I rarely get to practice it since one of my even bigger passions is food. So, I’ll just suck it up and make another fri-ta-ta.
My family is hilariously awful at supporting me during these rare moments of motivation… my grandma is currently baking molasses cookies for example, approximately 6 batches of them. The ironic part is that two weeks ago, when I was at the height of my summer gluttony and Judge Judy marathons, I had asked her to bake some cookies and she said, “Why don’t you get off your ass and jog… you just don’t CARE about yourself anymore.”
Another great part is that suddenly, I’m becoming a financial burden to my family because I toss out 1/2 of my egg yolks and am eating vegetables. I tried making a very poignant analogy between cutting off the fat on a piece of meat to throwing out the fatty part of the egg, but Nana just slammed down the spatula and told me to “buy my own fucking egg yolks to throw away!” That and, “Diet food (vegetables) are so expensive! Why don’t you just not eat?” (My grandma allegedly lost 30lbs in the 70s from dexatrin and “only eating lettuce.”)
So here I am, unveganized, about to eat another serving of Jell-O and trying, unsuccessfully to stay off my family’s shit list. Though, I kind of got myself into a hole last night while defending my eating habits by commenting that both my Nana and Papa have pregnant bellies and could stand to lose a few too.
They were upset with this comment.
