Back from Hedonism

I need to DO more with my life and it’s beginning now.  There are so many things I neglected to do this past quarter that I need to do for myself and the people around me.  Here’s the list for this upcoming quarter that is starting in an earth-shattering TWO days.

1) Go to bed at a set time each night– sounds simple, but it’s hard when you go to sleep with someone else each night who may not have the same schedule as you.

2) Wake up at a set time each morning and go on a walk– I’m thinking 7AM and most often, Newport Beach.

3) Drink more water.  Carry around a bottle always and drink it up.

4) Plan out my meals and snacks at the start of each week in order to a) eat smarter, b) eat cheaper, c) not be lured by promises of Indian food or late-night Del Taco runs.

5) Go to class, go to work, keep commitments… the skipping has to stop.

6) Track what goes into my body.  I already bought the little booklet to write all my food in, and on Monday I’ll start my 10 week plan.  I’m aiming to lose 20 pounds in 10 weeks, which would be so heavenly.

7) Call and write the people I love more.

8)  Practice each and every day for at least an hour on voice and 30 min. on piano.

9) Schedule my days out and follow through with the schedule.  So often I don’t stick to what I plan in my head, which is why practicing, working out, studying and everything good for me went to the wayside.  I need to plan out what I got to do and do it.

10) Save my money in a long-term fund.  This seems impossible with all my expenses and lack of money and too often I’ve tried only to tap into my resources, but I need to start putting something into savings with a definite “no touch” policy.  Maybe I’ll open a different account at B of A.

11) Learn to say NO.  No to expecting a dessert every night.  No to staying up late watching Lost episodes.  No to goofing off and skipping classes.  No to eating out more than once a week.

Now to implement!

I have been living off of chevre, lamb stew, wine, and breads for the past three days.  It’s gross.  I need to go on some kind of diet (story of my life).  I’m caught in this vicious web of left-overs from my gathering on Friday, but I think it’s time to throw away the remaining fromage and every unhealthy tid-bit in my kitchen.  What’s hilarious, is that when I binge, I don’t go to McDonalds or buy 5 packs of M&Ms… I buy expensive, fattening goat cheese and Trader Joes desserts.  I guess that’s not so weird after all.

Well as I sit here downing my last piece of pumpkin bread before I throw it all out I’m feeling REALLY disgusting…

PLAN:

No eating out this week (neither do I have the money or liberty with my pant size)
Resume morning work-outs at the Arc
Plan out this week’s menu in advance, buying each thing and packing it.
Water.

I’ll let you know how it goes.  Meanwhile, I have to clean out the cabinets.

There’s no place like… home?

I have mice– lots of mice.  I think it’s an acute infestation too because usually people have to look for other indicators to figure out that they have mice, since they are really stealth and difficult to spot.  But I saw 5 last night and caught two babies (REALLY traumatic and depressing).  To say the least I am completely revolted and pissed off at management though.  There’s NO excuse for having mice in an apartment that has been vacant for two months

I feel like I’m stuck against a wall and a rock though, because a) I don’t want to move again, period, b) I’m getting used to life in Tustin, c) I don’t want to have to go through a legal battle, d) I don’t want to risk having to live with strangers.

But the mouse problem is a HUGE issue because of how many I’ve seen freely parading around my apartment.  It’s shocking to me too because I’ve lived in over 8 different apartments and houses growing up, and only once have I seen a rat inside the house.  And, it crawled up through the toilet piping at that (when I went to the bathroom at 4AM one morning, to my horror there was a huge sewer rat in the toilet). So, when I saw a big, black mama mouse walk across my clean kitchen two nights ago I started crying…  it was just so unexpected.  I wasn’t sure if it was a mouse or a rat at first either.

Anyhow, hopefully by the end of next week things will be better.  I’m getting the windows fixed, door replaced, linoleum replaced, kitchen torn up and cleaned, and the carpet cleaned by Saturday (not to mention the pest control guy visiting on Monday morning).  I also reported my neighbors’ hang-dry habit and the FILTHY laundry room.

I know moving to this studio probably wasn’t the best decision, but like all of the shitty-ass events that have happened over the past three weeks, I feel like it is/was/has been beyond my control.  Between losing my camera, getting deathly ill, finding vermin in my house, I feel like the universe is playing some sort of game with me, and this is all leading up to something more meaningful and significant.

Killing mice isn’t fun though, and I’ve been trying not to think about it all day, with little success.  I used the glue traps too, with the suggestion of three people from Home Depot, and since they are considered highly cruel I feel like an asshole.  Especially when I picked up a stuck baby mouse, put it in a bag and threw it in the dumpster… I cried for about an hour and can’t think about it without feeling ill.

I’ll upate more tomorrow– I can barely keep my eyes open.

rats

I got stuck coming out, which is why I’m now here

in tears only twenty years later, with neighbors banging

walls and telling me to shut up; “some people work” after all.

Manic depression is like the rat that ran across the room

pulling a trigger and launching its claim to what’s left of

good judgment. So I’ll remain awake and take what’s left

of the night and put it to good use, (I dare say, staring at corners)

waiting for mice. Friends are busy sorting their squalor

and don’t want to hear about vermin. “They will just eat the flies

anyway” they say, though humor is stiff when you’re awake in bed

flinching at each sway of the blinds and the hardened sap. I sometimes

prefer dramatic wars over still evenings like this, listening to car

crashes on the 55 and plotting with peanut butter and traps.

Just another shitty evening in Irvine

I hate to be a downer, but this is going to be one of those long complaining notes about a night turned very, very sour.

I.

I left Cynthia’s last night around 12:30 and while driving down Campus heading toward Jamboree, I noticed that my trunk was open as I was driving. I freaked out, and pulled right on Carlson, parking and putting on my emergency lights. I got out and sobbed aloud as I saw my laptop and camera strewn on the side of the road about 100 feet from me, near the corner of Campus and Carlson (I put my camera and laptop in my trunk so that they’d “be safe,” ironically enough. I ran down there, grabbed them and put my laptop in the trunk, while keeping my camera bag on my shoulder… why I kept my camera on me, is beyond my comprehension, but I did.

This man in a taxi pulled over and told me that I had a minute to call my mom/AAA but that he was in a rush. So, I sat in his car, put down my camera bag, called my mom in a panic and then before she even knew where I was, I had to hang up and get out. The taxi pulled away into the abyss.

Two guys smoking pot then pulled up to help (God bless the potheads) and let me call my mom. She called AAA, 40 minutes later they pulled up and I was back on my way to Tustin.

II.

I pulled up my apartment’s driveway 20 minutes later only to see two Hispanic men, one shirtless and one in a wife-beater on top of each other, in in the middle of the driveway near the steps up to my studio. They could have been fighting or making love, but I assumed it was the former and so I slowly reversed the car, parking out in the street. Flashes of No Country for Old Men popped into my head and sobbing I called Cynthia for advice. I ended up calling the cops, but they didn’t show up. I decided to suck it up and make a dash back to my apartment, seeing that they were gone. I felt completely crazy.

III.

I woke up this morning and went out to get my laptop, which was in the back of the car. My camera wasn’t there however, and I realized, in one horrific moment that I left it in the taxi cab the night before. A LOT of weeping followed.

IV.

I am now at the library and my laptop, of course, won’t turn on due to “an inability to read the adapter.”

Welcome back to Irvine.

To Do Ta Da

This week is going to be a lot of fun though extremely packed with events and “to-dos”.  I’m looking forward to it a lot though, despite how tense and stressed I feel right now.  It’ll be so rewarding to go to bed in a decorated and finished apartment all to myself, with my life temporarily arranged as I like it.  All will once again be under my control and completely out of control.  I’m definitely a little more than on edge and I feel like a runner, backed up against the spring waiting for the gun to fire.

Highlights to look forward to this following week:

• “The Fly” with Steven and David tomorrow night.

• Sunday– organizing and packing my car with as much stuff as I can fit.

• Monday– opening up a savings account, paying first month’s, and driving to my new studio where I will unpack, arrange, and fix what I can before I’m due at school.

• First official Creative Connections meeting where I will take my place as Creative Connection’s official photographer.

• Meetings, rehearsals, interviews, gym-going, therapist-searching and practicing throughout the week, along with a no-bullshit job hunt.

• Knott’s Scary Farm on Thursday night!

• Tara’s “20’s Mystery Murder” party  (I seriously have the BEST costume, right out of Nana’s closet.)

• A long day of hauling the rest of my stuff to my studio, including my new stunted fridge, microwave and TV center!

• Steven and Rachelle’s much-awaited housewarming.  I think I’ll bring them a chia pet.

• Sunday, organizing my place in hopes that I can go to bed with everything finished!

The only thing that’ll blow for a little while, is not having any TV or internet at home. Though, I seriously think it’ll make me 1000 times more productive, since when I go home it’ll force me to study and I will spend a lot less time just sitting on Facebook and/or watching “Celebrities Without Makeup.”

Now it’s all about waiting for the gun to fire on Monday….

Signing my life away

Well I signed the lease to the studio today, and while I’m happy to be saying goodbye to roommates, I’m not entirely comfortable with the added responsibilty.  From here on out there’s no bullshitting around with bills, working and managing my money.

My Nana is going to help me out by buying me a microwave and a mini-fridge tonight (along with a few other necessities) and then I’m moving to my apartment on Monday the 22nd.  I’m not bring much– just a blow-up bed and a car full of what I can fit.  Then that weekend I’m going to finish the move.

I have good feelings about this year– really positive feelings.

Crap.

Hi Dr. Taylor,

I hope you’re enjoying your final days of summer. I’m getting prepared for my move back to Irvine right now, and I can’t seem to find the notebook where I wrote down all my repertoire. Is there any way you could e-mail me the list, so I can have a copy on my computer? Thanks Dr. Taylor! I’m really excited for this upcoming year.

-Danielle

Dr. Taylor:

“I know you have been working on this repertoire all summer and not
waiting until two weeks before school to get started on it, right.”

GULP…  even shittier is that DT won’t be in his office until the 22nd, which means, I don’t get the list of my rep until then.  So much for my plan to cram.  I have a lot to do though… a LOT to do and I’m sort of freaking out.

Burning Man Update

Burning Man was fucking CRAZY. Let me give you some of the highlights/lowlights:

+ Being an hour and a half into the drive to Reno only to have Scott mention that he “forgot” his ticket. Luckily the people at will-call allowed him to purchase a full-price, $300 ticket with the promise of a refund. But hey, I forgot to bring chapstick, which is pretty much the same thing.

+ Accidentally forgetting Scott at the side of the road… you see, the traffic kept starting and stopping, moving only 20-30 ft. at a time. At one point Scott got out of the car to go practice trumpet (note: it was about 10PM, completely dark on the road with no lights) and right as he closed the door, the traffic started moving forward. I thought it was only going to move about 20 ft. and so I just started driving with the subconscious understanding that Scott would walk up to the car after I pull up. But, the traffic kind of kept moving, and it took me about 40 seconds of driving at 30 mph before I realized, “Oh shit! I left Scott and this is a long way to walk!” But I couldn’t turn around without losing our two-hour space in line, so I just kept driving for about two miles until there was a turn-off on the side. After ten minutes of nervously laughing to myself, pacing outside the car, and yelling, “SCOTT!” into the darkness, I hear his voice from the misty night and watch him pull up, hanging on to the back of a Range Rover, palm to the slippery roof, terrified. I love you Scott.

+ Waiting from 8PM until 3AM to get into Burning Man…that is, sitting in the car being cranky and watching a naked chick hoola hoop in front of us.

+ Accidentally peeing on my feet and in my boots. Not a highlight.

+Going to an “alternative dating mixer.” This was seriously a highlight, though one of the more uncomfortable moments of my life. We (Scott, Nakul, Kellan, Neil, Eric & Zach) entered into the dome where we were immediately lined up facing strangers in a circle. We then had to place our hands over our hearts and gaze lovingly into the stranger’s eyes, while this hippie woman asked us poignant questions like, “Could you fall in love with these eyes? Do these eyes make you excited?” Most of the eyes looked something like this:

Then we had to bring our hands together and simeloutaneously kiss one another’s hands. As if this wasn’t enough, we were then given a very detailed lesson on “how to hug.” During the “hug practicing” this man came up to me, embraced me, and then upon withdrawing from the hug he said, “Wait!! Heart to heart.” He then altered sides and placed our hearts together. He kind of looked like John Lennon’s gross brother.

+ The night where I danced around the playa for hours, saw the Rocky Horror picture show, used the porta potty and… that’s pretty much what I can remember…

+ Forrest Gump… [there was little light involved in this...]

+ Guantalamera

+ The Rollerrink camp! Even though I only went once and stayed for about 10 minutes, it is going to be my main haunt in upcoming years.

+Stopping in Reno for some of the best Thai food I’ve ever had.

+Trying to be a slutty raver chick, but ultimately failing.

+ Dressing up in glowsticks!!! Total first, aside from buying those obnoxious glow-twirlers at Disneyland.

+Zach unsuccessfully bandaging my foot after I rebarred it.

+Pancakes every morning made by naked women– delicious and gross at the same time…

+Participating in speed dating on the playa and actually getting paired with someone (though, we never met after that).

+All the lost, little moments.

All in all, I had an incredible time and I’m definitely going next year. I encourage everyone to put it on their “bucket list” and experience it at least once… it’s something you can’t understand until you’ve experienced it, and something you need to experience so you understand (I’m trying to make a huge party deep, though it’s really just that: a huge party.)

The boys hanging out at camp

Both are still nasty...

Being unimaginably cool

The Temple

Near the Dome at 10:00-- we were at 9:30

I just discovered Radiohead…

which is kind of weird considering that I’ve owned and listened to every single CD of theirs for years, but suddenly it’s like a new pair of boots, for lack of a better analogy.  I don’t think I ever really listened to them before.

Well I don’t want to jinx anything, but I think the studio apartment is actually going to work out!  I got a call from Maria today, and she said that my application was approved and she wanted to know when I could move in.  I pitched her the 22nd, she said “great” and that I’d be hearing from her tomorrow to set up a time to come in and sign the lease.  I’m estatic.  It’s not the “perfect” place, but its mine, which is the most important fact.

I’m back being vegan too, which feels great though the first thing I went out and bought was Soy Creamy… not the healthiest choice considering that there is 200 calories in 1/2 of non-dairy goodness.  That’s right around Dreyers’ count.